endings and beginnings

September arrives. I consider this month to be the official beginning of my 'creative sabbatical' - which means leaving energy, time and space to explore my own brand of art making while I also continue to offer individual and team coaching/facilitation services.

No matter how I slice it, it's been a tough few months. Many of the big, heavy decisions have been made. Letting go of my home (for now). Moving to what has been my work space (thereby ending it's use as a rental space). Letting go of my relationship, possibly our musical duo as well.

My heart is heavy. I suspect it w ill take awhile to heal, to awaken to the gifts that these sad events hold for me. There are no beginnings without some endings.

What am I noticing as I live this? That moving, purging, leaving took a lot more time and energy than I'd anticipated. That I'm struggling with how to inform my clients. That I've reverted back into 'busy-ness' with overloading my community commitments. That I've been slipping on my self imposed deadlines for this blog ...but hanging in there nonetheless. That I haven't created my studio space yet.

I'm also noticing how grateful I am that I have this space to retreat to during these hard times. And amazing friends who have lifted spirits as well as boxes to get me here. I am grateful for my desire to write, to make art, to begin the journey to explore it more fully over this next year. I'm grateful for my moments of yoga that help to ground me and for friends who listen and offer new perspectives. I am grateful for my relative health, for the beauty that surrounds me, for my desire to learn and move on.

So I try to remember the Sufi story about 'could be good, could be bad'. Nothing is permanent. Though I may not understand or appreciate where it will lead me right now, I trust that something good will come out of all this...given  a good dose of compassion and time.