Exploring Fear of Success

Today someone wrote to me with this question:

I was wondering if you have any insights and/or resources on my fear of being successful?

Here's my response to her.

Ahhhh so you've found that particular bugaboo now...fear of success. 

The insights are inside you my dear...keep pondering, reflecting, asking yourself questions about your experience with success in the past. Here are a few entry questions to play with:

• When have you enjoyed and embraced success? When have you hidden, discounted, or felt uncomfortable? 
• Play with a mind-map perhaps. Use lots of colours...see what emerges.
• Think about influential people in your life and how they handle or handled success...what did you absorb from that? What do you want to keep, what do you want to let go of? 
• What would you want to teach your daughter about being successful?
  
• Imagine the future...what do you see happening as you become successful, as you continue to live successfully? What does this say about your beliefs? What might you want to consider re-framing, adjusting? What might be simply something to accept and enjoy...even look forward to watching unfold?
  

Let me know how it goes. 

Is this a fear you've ever experienced?  What would you have suggested...any insights and/or resources to share with us?

Breathe Big!

Linda

the money tree - part I

If you walked by a money tree ... what would you do?

Amy decided to find out. She hung bills in a small city tree along a busy sidewalk...and then filmed what transpired.

What do you think happened?

Myself...I imagined people would respond with delight, maybe call their friends to come see, take a few (perhaps take a lot). But really, in my heart of hearts, I thought what would happen is that some people would end up adding their own money to the tree and a recurring cycle would begin.

I did not expect what actually happened...and it has really piqued my curiosity about how we're living today. Check it out:

The Money Tree 

roller coasters and rock walls

My beautiful rock wall, built by a friend, draped in flox given as gifts, held together by weeds and wild flowers...a metaphor for life ?

 

Despite beautiful weather day after day, despite the luscious rain last night that gave the gardens a deep drink,  despite fun community projects, despite creative work - despite all this - my world continues to go up and down. In a good place one minute, not so much the next.

Such is perhaps how it is. Or a reality of being in my fifties. Or perhaps a piece of the grieving journey. Whatever the case, the trick appears to be to find a way to accept and roll with those waves, one moment at a time.  And to notice what seems to help.

For me there are at least three things that support me getting to a more balanced place:

• writing (the private kind, not this public blogging!), letting my words, emotions, questions flow out unbridled     

• moving my body in some way - be that yoga, walking, swimming, cycling, dancing...just move! 

• telling someone what's happening; being heard helps even if there are no specific answers

This last one appears to be the hardest for me to act on.  Not really sure why.  I know that being heard carries a lot of power (that's why I love what I do, which is primarily listening). As does the act of sharing your (my) vulnerability.  It's the combination of both together that creates a kind of shared power, a linked energy that I believe makes our world go round. It is the birthplace of relationship, of innovation, of our humanness.

I realize I like to listen, to help, to be leaned upon...but that I sometimes find it hard to know how to start a conversation about my own malaise. I convince myself that my friends are too busy or too burdened with their own stresses for me to bother them.  I tend to wait for them to invite me and that doesn't always happen.

But I know that these are just excuses on my part that keep me from reaching out, from being vulnerable, from showing all sides of my own humanness. I've been there for my friends...why wouldn't I want to give that friend an opportunity to be there for me?

Friendships, like flowering rock walls, require balance, including the balance of leaning and being leaned upon. And moments of connection, conversation (a mix of planned and unplanned flowers be they weed or not). And a heap of trust - that together you will negotiate the boundaries required as necessary.

What helps you navigate the waves, negotiate for the support you need?

dancing the journey

I just saw the creative spiral image on The Fertile Unknown site. Ah the stimulation of a visual. It prompted this musing:

"The experiential learning cycle...shows up everywhere with different names. I love spirals - a pictorial representation of our process:  full of curiosity, mystery and possibility.

The visual also conjures up movement for me, a reminder to dance along the journey...be that a slow waltz or a lively jig! What I get from this is I need to engage my body and my emotions as well as my mind."

And in this moment what I am realizing is I need/want to dance more! Shake out winter and welcome spring ...embrace a fresh perspective that a change in season can bring. Shake out old thoughts that aren't helpful and welcome new ones that are aligned with who and where I want to be.

Let's do an experiment:  go find a favourite piece of music, one that matches how you're feeling. Get up and dance/move along with it. Notice how you feel after one or two dances. Then play some music that is more about what you want to feel...and see where it takes you. Let me know what happened for you...and I'll do the same.

Cheers,

Linda

what's perfect with right now?

Ahhh choices, options, opportunities. I usually greet these with open arms. But sometimes I get tied up in knots over mine, possibly because there are too many and I'm left feeling overwhelmed. Or the opposite, a sense of not having any choice, so feel blocked, stuck or forced into something. Neither are pleasant places be in.

And is it even true?

My frame of mind, my attitude, my perception of too many or too little choice is actually within my control. I can choose to be exasperated, tired, fed up ...or I can soften, relax, go with the flow. I can choose to find the mini or major aspects of what's good about any given moment or situation and watch that notion expand... or I can stay with a limited view point and watch the fear and confusion grow instead.

I'd rather choose the former quite frankly...and right now this is what I'm reminding myself to do by way of the question: "What's perfect about this situation?" I'm enjoying the time I have to play with the written word, to spend time in my garden, to see friends, to simply slow down and rest, and to bring space and energy to idea's I had been putting on the back burner for so long. I'm appreciating the financial choices I made before that are giving me some peace of mind right now. I'm thankful for all that I have, including people to seek support from while I navigate my current situation.

As I notice these positive outcomes of what was initially feeling quite negative, the good feelings in me grow. And as those good feelings grow they lead to an increased sense of energy, hope and creative idea's. I'm now more open to inviting, noticing, and being discerning (choosy!) about the options, opportunities, and choices before me. I'm operating from abundance again instead of scarcity.

Choosing to see what's perfect with right now, and trusting myself to handle whatever comes, I'm living more relaxed and aligned into the unknown.  I simply need to remember this - often and regularly.