The other day I gave a team I was working with the exercise of bringing in an artifact that represented a turning point in their life. I thought that would be a good warm up to our discussion on our response to change.
On the day of the retreat just about each person said how they struggled with this exercise - even the person who had helped design the theme. That surprised me. Some said it was hard to find the object to represent the story they would tell. Some struggled with which turning point to speak about. Others felt they had none to speak of.
My guess is that sharing a story that was important to us was what was scary. It's not always easy to reveal ourselves to others, especially something that touches at our core. Makes us vulnerable.
That morning, while the snow kept on falling outside, each person decided to take a leap of faith and told their story of change to their colleagues. With each story a new channel was opened with each person in the room. You could feel the appreciation, the respect and the warmth begin to swirl through the air as strengths and values and incredible courage shined through.
No one had to go that deep. No one had to do the exercise at all if they preferred not to. But everyone found the inner resources to do so, each in their own way.
I'm curious as to whether the exercise, introduced with words like 'artifact' and 'turning point' was what led to such deep stories? Perhaps if I'd asked for 'objects that symbolize a change in your life, equally interesting but perhaps more superficial or guarded stories would have come out. Who knows?
My hunch is that this particular group was ready, no matter what way I introduced the exercise, to tell these stories, to reveal themselves...and to be heard. I also suspect that the pre-work we did leading up to the day helped create the readiness, the initial safety for such candidness to occur.
If anyone from that team are reading this, I'd love to get your perspective. And anyone else's too.
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Mar 10, 2011
Aug 4, 2010
the stories we tell - part II
Once we have a certain idea or judgment about someone or something...it's hard not to find evidence that concurs with our thinking. ("She's so inconsiderate...just listen to how loud that music is!" "He's so generous with his time, look how late he stays to help Sam with his work.")
On the flip side we also tend to ignore or miss any evidence that would dispute our theory. It takes a pretty self aware and confident person to acknowledge that the way they're seeing may be faulty, missing information, or simply different from another person's point of view...and that that this other view is just as valid as their own.
And all of this is true even with those stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. We find evidence to prove how we think about ourselves - positive or not. Our self talk, our self stories can run from "You're brilliant!" to "You're such a dunce!".
Take a moment to consider how you listen to, interpret, and make meaning when you notice your story about yourself. Does your interpretation change depending on context, mood, hunger, fatigue etc? My experience is it does. This is why checking out our assumptions includes the ones we make about ourselves and the current situation.
I know for me it helps to check out my story (of me or of others) with a witness...a friend, a colleague or a coach. It helps me stay honest with myself ...and keeps me from going around in circles. Often it reveals some new angles or approaches to moving through or building on the story that I hadn't previously noticed.
How is the story you're telling yourself about you helping you live your ideal life today?
On the flip side we also tend to ignore or miss any evidence that would dispute our theory. It takes a pretty self aware and confident person to acknowledge that the way they're seeing may be faulty, missing information, or simply different from another person's point of view...and that that this other view is just as valid as their own.
And all of this is true even with those stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. We find evidence to prove how we think about ourselves - positive or not. Our self talk, our self stories can run from "You're brilliant!" to "You're such a dunce!".
Take a moment to consider how you listen to, interpret, and make meaning when you notice your story about yourself. Does your interpretation change depending on context, mood, hunger, fatigue etc? My experience is it does. This is why checking out our assumptions includes the ones we make about ourselves and the current situation.
I know for me it helps to check out my story (of me or of others) with a witness...a friend, a colleague or a coach. It helps me stay honest with myself ...and keeps me from going around in circles. Often it reveals some new angles or approaches to moving through or building on the story that I hadn't previously noticed.
How is the story you're telling yourself about you helping you live your ideal life today?
Jun 2, 2010
the stories we tell
I recently spent some time devouring a journal on social change directed at leaders and folks like me who work with organizations around the people side of change. Among other idea's, one approach that stood out for me was: transform the stories we tell ourselves.
Stories offer a perspective, a view point, a way of seeing. They engage and connect us with ourselves and one another. A good story also tends to carry our emotions - and our emotions are an indicator of what's important and has meaning to us. Those emotions can also distort or limit our perspective of the whole picture.
Let's start with ourselves ...what story are you telling yourself about what ever is currently happening in your life that has your attention? Are you a hero, a villain, a victim in that story? All three perhaps? How does this story serve you? How is it supporting your vision or goals right now? Is the story keeping you stuck or keeping you moving in a positive direction? If you decide it's not truly serving you, how might you alter the story, reframe it so that you might breathe a little easier, move into a more spacious place of compassion and possibility?
For me I have been telling myself a story about my stressful situation. Each time I tell it - to myself or to others - I need to find evidence to make that story true. Lately I've decided to tell my story differently ...and I'm already feeling lighter, noticing more and more positive, supportive things happening as I find, invent or stumble upon ways to cope with the stresses that are a part of this journey...and notice which ones I have some control over! It's a great feeling! And a much better story!
I will soon be facilitating a team retreat and I'm pondering ways we might explore their individual and collective stories, what those stories say about themselves, each other and their work. By listening deeply and perhaps with a different intention, might they also notice in those stories what is wished for? Might there be some acknowledgment of some distortion, missing information, or an assumption getting in the way of working even better together than they are already? I know that creating a space for that kind of listening and telling does open up ways to transform the stories to identifying what it is they all want more of...and the opportunities to move it in that direction.
My hope is that you will uncover more opportunities and possibilities in your stories - even the ones you tell only to yourself - than at first or 10th telling. Try to listen differently. Sometimes that in itself will produce subtle shifts. Let me know what happens.
Stories offer a perspective, a view point, a way of seeing. They engage and connect us with ourselves and one another. A good story also tends to carry our emotions - and our emotions are an indicator of what's important and has meaning to us. Those emotions can also distort or limit our perspective of the whole picture.
Let's start with ourselves ...what story are you telling yourself about what ever is currently happening in your life that has your attention? Are you a hero, a villain, a victim in that story? All three perhaps? How does this story serve you? How is it supporting your vision or goals right now? Is the story keeping you stuck or keeping you moving in a positive direction? If you decide it's not truly serving you, how might you alter the story, reframe it so that you might breathe a little easier, move into a more spacious place of compassion and possibility?
For me I have been telling myself a story about my stressful situation. Each time I tell it - to myself or to others - I need to find evidence to make that story true. Lately I've decided to tell my story differently ...and I'm already feeling lighter, noticing more and more positive, supportive things happening as I find, invent or stumble upon ways to cope with the stresses that are a part of this journey...and notice which ones I have some control over! It's a great feeling! And a much better story!
I will soon be facilitating a team retreat and I'm pondering ways we might explore their individual and collective stories, what those stories say about themselves, each other and their work. By listening deeply and perhaps with a different intention, might they also notice in those stories what is wished for? Might there be some acknowledgment of some distortion, missing information, or an assumption getting in the way of working even better together than they are already? I know that creating a space for that kind of listening and telling does open up ways to transform the stories to identifying what it is they all want more of...and the opportunities to move it in that direction.
My hope is that you will uncover more opportunities and possibilities in your stories - even the ones you tell only to yourself - than at first or 10th telling. Try to listen differently. Sometimes that in itself will produce subtle shifts. Let me know what happens.
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