grief

We can’t escape or walk away from grief;
we walk through it.
And walking—not running, not crawling—
is the proper pace to be traveling.
                                           Linus Mundy

 

This poem was sent to me by a dear friend who knows how to walk with me. She found it on this website:   http://www.journeyofhearts.org/healing/nature2.html

I'm working on it, feeling my way to resilience. Trusting one day I will see and feel differently.

Despite these set backs I did finally set up my art space! I think it will work just fine too. I feel it calling me to come play, come feel joy!

PS I stand corrected

PS  Earlier today I referred to a story/parable. I found one version:
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2008/01/30/daily-message-186/ 

Apparently it's not a Sufi story though:  "This is NOT a sufi story, its from the Ancient Chinese book “Hanfeizi” – much before there were sufi – and even before there was Japan! ;-)  "


If you like such stories, here is a site that appears to have many others:
http://simerg.com/parables/parable-traditional-sufi-stories-about-the-intricacies-of-life/

Linda, still learning to appreciate the blessings in disguise...

endings and beginnings

September arrives. I consider this month to be the official beginning of my 'creative sabbatical' - which means leaving energy, time and space to explore my own brand of art making while I also continue to offer individual and team coaching/facilitation services.

No matter how I slice it, it's been a tough few months. Many of the big, heavy decisions have been made. Letting go of my home (for now). Moving to what has been my work space (thereby ending it's use as a rental space). Letting go of my relationship, possibly our musical duo as well.

My heart is heavy. I suspect it w ill take awhile to heal, to awaken to the gifts that these sad events hold for me. There are no beginnings without some endings.

What am I noticing as I live this? That moving, purging, leaving took a lot more time and energy than I'd anticipated. That I'm struggling with how to inform my clients. That I've reverted back into 'busy-ness' with overloading my community commitments. That I've been slipping on my self imposed deadlines for this blog ...but hanging in there nonetheless. That I haven't created my studio space yet.

I'm also noticing how grateful I am that I have this space to retreat to during these hard times. And amazing friends who have lifted spirits as well as boxes to get me here. I am grateful for my desire to write, to make art, to begin the journey to explore it more fully over this next year. I'm grateful for my moments of yoga that help to ground me and for friends who listen and offer new perspectives. I am grateful for my relative health, for the beauty that surrounds me, for my desire to learn and move on.

So I try to remember the Sufi story about 'could be good, could be bad'. Nothing is permanent. Though I may not understand or appreciate where it will lead me right now, I trust that something good will come out of all this...given  a good dose of compassion and time.

community art making

Well my trees are 'dressed' in Wakefield. My first public art installation. It's very simple but I like it. And bottom line, given all the other things that have been going on, I'm pleased that I didn't bail.

Process wise I followed true to form. Had lots of idea's, narrowed it down to a basic concept and then went about 'listening' for potential materials that would fit/work with it. Sometime the materials themselves led the way...as in the robin's nests...and the picture frames.

Emergence works for me but I don't think it necessarily was helpful to the larger process. What to write for the bio piece that had to be in weeks ago? What to have on my process story board when the last bit of it is still in process?

Ironically the piece is about community, a reflection on what community means for me - when I feel a part of it and when I don't. Lots of lessons here, and metaphors for my own way of being in this world. The main one continues to be about finding that balance between independence and community. Maybe this is the year that I find a way to live that comfortably.

For info on the Wakefield multi-arts festival happening this week check out www.wakefest.org.

excavating our identity

I've heard people say your life passes before your eyes when you believe you are about to die. I haven't got any first hand experience on that front but I can say it does the same (at a much slower pace) when you move homes too.

Besides the grunt work of moving furniture and the self flagellation that comes with seeing just what fell behind the bureau...there's the fumbling excavation through books, boxes and the far corners of basements and closets. Amid the junk and dust bunnies are photos, mementos, scraps of paper with ideas and dreams, and ugly clothes that I used to love. Each piece holds a story about who I was and my response subsequently tells me a bit about who I believe I have become.

Not quite sure what I think or feel about it all just yet. Too physically and emotionally tired right now. Maybe in a week or two.

One thing I can say though, is that I sure have remained consistent - consistent with my strengths as well as my limitations. Consistent with my difficulty in letting go of some things. And consistent with what I believe will make me happy:  a community of friends, time in nature, art making, facilitating and partaking in meaningful conversations and actions, writing, a place in the country, feeling like I'm making a difference .... 

Yup, there may be more challenges than usual at the moment, and I may have to follow some different paths along the way, but my roots (values) and my fruits (dreams/wishes/goals) seem to remain largely the same. I am who I am. 

the stories we tell - part II

Once we have a certain idea or judgment about someone or something...it's hard not to find evidence that concurs with our thinking.  ("She's so inconsiderate...just listen to how loud that music is!"  "He's so generous with his time, look how late he stays to help Sam with his work.")

On the flip side we also tend to ignore or miss any evidence that would dispute our theory. It takes a pretty self aware and confident person to acknowledge that the way they're seeing may be faulty, missing information, or simply different from another person's point of view...and that that this other view is just as valid as their own.

And all of this is true even with those stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. We find evidence to prove how we think about ourselves - positive or not. Our self talk, our self stories can run from "You're brilliant!" to "You're such a dunce!".

Take a moment to consider how you listen to, interpret, and make meaning when you notice your story about yourself. Does your interpretation change depending on context, mood, hunger, fatigue etc? My experience is it does. This is why checking out our assumptions includes the ones we make about ourselves and the current situation.

I know for me it helps to check out my story (of me or of others) with a witness...a friend, a colleague or a coach. It helps me stay honest with myself ...and keeps me from going around in circles. Often it reveals some new angles or approaches to moving through or building on the story that I hadn't previously noticed.

How is the story you're telling yourself about you helping you live your ideal life today?

resilience

The capacity to overcome adversity...is that what resilience is?

Reslilence makes me think of tender seedlings we put out gradually in the spring so that they can build up their ability to cope with the big out doors and it's varying weather and other conditions. We want the plants to become hardy, tough, strong, flexible...and to develop deep roots.

In terms of people, is that what exposing us to hardships is supposed to do, toughen up our skin, make us less sensitive? Not sure that's what I would want. I like being sensitive. It allows me to enjoy so many delicious and curious sensory experiences - it makes living come alive! On the other hand, I could stand to take things less personally at times. How much time and energy have I wasted in getting bent out of shape to only later acknowledge how out of  proportion my response was? (retorical question!)

In steps flexibility with the skill of discernment - teaching us through experiences when to pay attention and when to let things slide. Teaching us to bend and sway so as not to break. Deep roots are part of what supports that flexibility.

I see my roots as the values and beliefs that guide and strengthen me - both in times of trouble and joy. My roots also provide a lens with which I percieve and interepret my life experiences. I can attest to the difference it makes when I am able to turn an obstacle or a disappointment into an opportunity (car in garage = time to write; economic downturn = creative sabbatical) vs. when I stay stuck in negative, woe is me mode.

Right now I'm surely getting tested on the financial front: slow year work wise, the Revenue Quebec saga (yup it continues), and most recently a large unexpected car repair bill. Can't say that it's been fun but underneath it all there's a sense of trust - in myself and in the world around me - that it'll all work out, that I'll handle it, that this too shall pass.  I believe I have the assets and creative mindset to find my way...one day, one bill, one reframe at a time...and so I do!

Perhaps resilience is less about overcoming adversity and more about working with it, greeting it with grace, acceptance and trust. And acknowledging that it will take a lot of trial and error, self awareness and loads of support to find your way!

How does resilience show up for you?