OK this makes two Wednesday's in a row that I'm 'late' with my blog. Is this the proverbial slippery slope? Am I losing my commitment? Don't think so...just circumstances. Last week I was heading out on a canoe trip and today I was facilitating a group.
I suppose I could reason that knowing I was going to be busy with these things I could have created my entry earlier. True. OK - so maybe I am slipping. No need to beat myself up, just notice and focus.
So what am I noticing? That I've been suddenly busy again. This means I've allowed my relatively regular journal writing practice to fall away. Also haven't managed to be consistent with my usual morning walk or yoga time. I realize these are the times that I tune into myself, into my world and my thoughts and feelings about it. It's when idea's come forward or are at least heard.
It's time to renew my commitment to these rituals in order to keep my writing vision alive.
And focus. Yes the focal point has certainly shifted these days. The 'plan' (a vague idea in my head) has now moved into the implementation phase. Tenant has been found. The move is imminent. No more thinking about what to purge...it's now time to actually sort, chose and let go of things. Always easier in ones mind than in reality. But I will persist. I'm both making lists and enlisting support. Action is very close at hand. Maybe even as soon as tomorrow. :)
Jul 21, 2010
Jul 14, 2010
a celebration of life
Went to a celebration of life - otherwise known as a memorial - yesterday. I was moved to tears and to laughter as those who spoke revealed their relationship with a man who had lived his life large.
Daughter, sister, boss, friend, granddaughter...each spoke about what both inspired and frustrated (even infuriated) them in their interactions with him. They spoke honestly, candidly and often with humour. Here was a man who had not hidden his talents nor his limitations. Jim was always Jim.
Various objects were brought forward; Jim's clarinet teased out stories of music and learning new skills. His paddle reminded us of his wood working prowess as well as his canoeing adventures in remote wilderness areas. The most startling and revealing of objects displayed were his legs, his two prosthesis, dressed in his socks and running shoes. These truly did encapsulate Jim's character.
In his 80's Jim lost both his legs below the knee to diabetes. Despite a myriad of other health issues on top of the diabetes, Jim was determined to make walking again his last adventure...and he did it. He also showed his leg stumps to anyone who was interested (or even those not). I believe this kind of openness helped many be comfortable with the changes. In health and in illness Jim was himself - forceful, directive, warm, interested, curious and it seemed to me, fully in love with life.
Not sure if Jim ever asked himself what he hoped would be said about himself or his life ....but I believe he would have both agreed and approved of what transpired yesterday. I'm glad he was a part of my life.
Tomorrow I head out on my own canoe adventure. Perhaps the spirit of Jim will accompany me as I ponder my current path and what living my life large means for me.
Daughter, sister, boss, friend, granddaughter...each spoke about what both inspired and frustrated (even infuriated) them in their interactions with him. They spoke honestly, candidly and often with humour. Here was a man who had not hidden his talents nor his limitations. Jim was always Jim.
Various objects were brought forward; Jim's clarinet teased out stories of music and learning new skills. His paddle reminded us of his wood working prowess as well as his canoeing adventures in remote wilderness areas. The most startling and revealing of objects displayed were his legs, his two prosthesis, dressed in his socks and running shoes. These truly did encapsulate Jim's character.
In his 80's Jim lost both his legs below the knee to diabetes. Despite a myriad of other health issues on top of the diabetes, Jim was determined to make walking again his last adventure...and he did it. He also showed his leg stumps to anyone who was interested (or even those not). I believe this kind of openness helped many be comfortable with the changes. In health and in illness Jim was himself - forceful, directive, warm, interested, curious and it seemed to me, fully in love with life.
Not sure if Jim ever asked himself what he hoped would be said about himself or his life ....but I believe he would have both agreed and approved of what transpired yesterday. I'm glad he was a part of my life.
Tomorrow I head out on my own canoe adventure. Perhaps the spirit of Jim will accompany me as I ponder my current path and what living my life large means for me.
Jul 7, 2010
fighting fair
Well Revenue Quebec is certainly testing my commitment to trusting the process and going with the flow these days. I received another letter claiming I haven't paid them adequately enough for several past taxation years. Huh?!?
The last letter I received a month or so ago, claiming I'd not paid my 2009 taxes in full, we were able to prove their error. Before that, back in April, an audit of 2006 turned up an expense that was deemed unacceptable, resulting in me paying the difference now. My attempt to defend the expense, already seen as appropriate by the professional bookkeeper and accountant I hire to help me interpret these things, only resulted in an extra interest charge of $170 for the delay. I don't get it!
No business person knows it all. I feel I am doing my fair share of due diligence in hiring professional and respected folks to decipher the rules in area's that are not my expertise. Mistakes happen - we are all human - but let's fight fair. Allow time to review the different perspectives and interpretations, to clarify any rules that are ambiguous - without penalizing the small business person in that process.
I'm thinking it may be time to speak out, take this to my MPP or some form of ombudsman for the small business person. I've seen research that suggests that the small and medium businesses are an important part of our Canadian economy. I believe in accountability and oversight...but it should work both ways. Let's not have policies that work at cross purposes: some designed to create a supportive and nurturing environment while others erode and destroy.
Not quite sure what the lesson is for me in this experience yet. Perhaps it's about finding different ways to fight for my rights and beliefs even in the face of what feels like a formidable power. All suggestions on how to proceed most welcomed!
The last letter I received a month or so ago, claiming I'd not paid my 2009 taxes in full, we were able to prove their error. Before that, back in April, an audit of 2006 turned up an expense that was deemed unacceptable, resulting in me paying the difference now. My attempt to defend the expense, already seen as appropriate by the professional bookkeeper and accountant I hire to help me interpret these things, only resulted in an extra interest charge of $170 for the delay. I don't get it!
No business person knows it all. I feel I am doing my fair share of due diligence in hiring professional and respected folks to decipher the rules in area's that are not my expertise. Mistakes happen - we are all human - but let's fight fair. Allow time to review the different perspectives and interpretations, to clarify any rules that are ambiguous - without penalizing the small business person in that process.
I'm thinking it may be time to speak out, take this to my MPP or some form of ombudsman for the small business person. I've seen research that suggests that the small and medium businesses are an important part of our Canadian economy. I believe in accountability and oversight...but it should work both ways. Let's not have policies that work at cross purposes: some designed to create a supportive and nurturing environment while others erode and destroy.
Not quite sure what the lesson is for me in this experience yet. Perhaps it's about finding different ways to fight for my rights and beliefs even in the face of what feels like a formidable power. All suggestions on how to proceed most welcomed!
Jun 30, 2010
trusting myself
I finished an article for fall publication this Monday. As usual it took longer than I expected - but I did meet the deadline and I am happy with what I wrote.
Yesterday I heard that the publisher liked it - a lot! (Phew.) As much as I thought it was a good piece I wasn't sure if it was the content or style that they wanted. I was prepared to write something else if that was the case. In the end it appears that the match is good.
So there's a few things that I'd like to acknowledge to myself:
How are you honouring and trusting yourself these days? I invite you to post a comment - there is likely someone out there who will be encouraged by your story.
Yesterday I heard that the publisher liked it - a lot! (Phew.) As much as I thought it was a good piece I wasn't sure if it was the content or style that they wanted. I was prepared to write something else if that was the case. In the end it appears that the match is good.
So there's a few things that I'd like to acknowledge to myself:
- At the top: I trusted myself and followed my heart and mind in terms of what and how I wrote.
- I was prepared to accept that the article might not be a fit for the magazine without believing that that meant it wasn't good.
- I didn't beat myself up when the writing didn't come as smoothly and as quickly as I'd imagined it would. I went with the flow, trusting that it would come.
- It helped to give myself an earlier deadline than the magazine requested. That gave me a strange mix of space and pressure.
- The initial conversation with the publisher a few months earlier gave me some idea of what they did and didn't want. It also forced me to get some initial idea's down on paper to send to them. This in turn gave my 'back burner' time to be working subconsciously on the subject.
- I had someone encouraging and supporting me through the process. Thanks Erin!
- I'm pretty sure blogging has helped as well. It is a practice in writing from my heart and my experience, in letting go of perfection and in honouring my commitment to myself and the life I want to live.
How are you honouring and trusting yourself these days? I invite you to post a comment - there is likely someone out there who will be encouraged by your story.
Jun 23, 2010
what's perfect with right now?
Ahhh choices, options, opportunities. I usually greet these with open arms. But sometimes I get tied up in knots over mine, possibly because there are too many and I'm left feeling overwhelmed. Or the opposite, a sense of not having any choice, so feel blocked, stuck or forced into something. Neither are pleasant places be in.
And is it even true?
My frame of mind, my attitude, my perception of too many or too little choice is actually within my control. I can choose to be exasperated, tired, fed up ...or I can soften, relax, go with the flow. I can choose to find the mini or major aspects of what's good about any given moment or situation and watch that notion expand... or I can stay with a limited view point and watch the fear and confusion grow instead.
I'd rather choose the former quite frankly...and right now this is what I'm reminding myself to do by way of the question: "What's perfect about this situation?" I'm enjoying the time I have to play with the written word, to spend time in my garden, to see friends, to simply slow down and rest, and to bring space and energy to idea's I had been putting on the back burner for so long. I'm appreciating the financial choices I made before that are giving me some peace of mind right now. I'm thankful for all that I have, including people to seek support from while I navigate my current situation.
As I notice these positive outcomes of what was initially feeling quite negative, the good feelings in me grow. And as those good feelings grow they lead to an increased sense of energy, hope and creative idea's. I'm now more open to inviting, noticing, and being discerning (choosy!) about the options, opportunities, and choices before me. I'm operating from abundance again instead of scarcity.
Choosing to see what's perfect with right now, and trusting myself to handle whatever comes, I'm living more relaxed and aligned into the unknown. I simply need to remember this - often and regularly.
And is it even true?
My frame of mind, my attitude, my perception of too many or too little choice is actually within my control. I can choose to be exasperated, tired, fed up ...or I can soften, relax, go with the flow. I can choose to find the mini or major aspects of what's good about any given moment or situation and watch that notion expand... or I can stay with a limited view point and watch the fear and confusion grow instead.
I'd rather choose the former quite frankly...and right now this is what I'm reminding myself to do by way of the question: "What's perfect about this situation?" I'm enjoying the time I have to play with the written word, to spend time in my garden, to see friends, to simply slow down and rest, and to bring space and energy to idea's I had been putting on the back burner for so long. I'm appreciating the financial choices I made before that are giving me some peace of mind right now. I'm thankful for all that I have, including people to seek support from while I navigate my current situation.
As I notice these positive outcomes of what was initially feeling quite negative, the good feelings in me grow. And as those good feelings grow they lead to an increased sense of energy, hope and creative idea's. I'm now more open to inviting, noticing, and being discerning (choosy!) about the options, opportunities, and choices before me. I'm operating from abundance again instead of scarcity.
Choosing to see what's perfect with right now, and trusting myself to handle whatever comes, I'm living more relaxed and aligned into the unknown. I simply need to remember this - often and regularly.
Jun 16, 2010
crossroads
How many of us have sat at this spot before...weighing, debating, crying, stomping, wishing...as we try to decide what is right for us, what path to take?
What do I have to say NO to in order to live my YES!?
As I deliberate my choices I am trying to be mindful of my patterns and tendencies. I realize I want to move to action quickly. I want to make a decision, any decision, now. Uncertainty and limbo is uncomfortable. I also tend to spend a great deal of time analyzing - pages of journal writing, copious quantities of tea are consumed as I share thoughts and feelings with friends and colleagues.
So my 'NO' is to jumping to action and obsessive talking and storytelling about my situation. I will take a cue from my yoga practice: encourage myself to 'pause between poses', to be still, to simply notice without judgment (or analysis), and give space for integration.
This will allow me to say 'YES' to slowing down and being here in this moment, in this beautiful place surrounded by nature and creativity, feeling these sensations, listening quietly to what's happening for me... trusting that clarity and insight will emerge.
What do I have to say NO to in order to live my YES!?
As I deliberate my choices I am trying to be mindful of my patterns and tendencies. I realize I want to move to action quickly. I want to make a decision, any decision, now. Uncertainty and limbo is uncomfortable. I also tend to spend a great deal of time analyzing - pages of journal writing, copious quantities of tea are consumed as I share thoughts and feelings with friends and colleagues.
So my 'NO' is to jumping to action and obsessive talking and storytelling about my situation. I will take a cue from my yoga practice: encourage myself to 'pause between poses', to be still, to simply notice without judgment (or analysis), and give space for integration.
This will allow me to say 'YES' to slowing down and being here in this moment, in this beautiful place surrounded by nature and creativity, feeling these sensations, listening quietly to what's happening for me... trusting that clarity and insight will emerge.
Jun 9, 2010
using the arts for change - in organizations!
Clay & Paper Theatre's mandate is to "create, develop and perform multi-disciplinary, community-driven theatrical works using narrative theatre and large-scale puppetry in public spaces for large and diverse audiences. Clay & Paper Theatre produces plays, pageants and parades with the community, grounded in the idea that performance in public space is an act of cultural transformation." They want to "reunite art with the daily life of the community, and to make art accessible to all." How cool is that!?
Here I am wanting to find ways to use all sorts of artful play to open up conversations and possibilities for people in their work or volunteer endeavours. What if the 'community' in this scenario was an organization - it's employees, managers and clients?! What if the 'cultural transformation' was about meaning and satisfaction, about putting 'fun' back into effective functioning of the organization?! What if the daily practice were the mindful intentions and behaviours each person put towards a shared vision of what that could look like!?
Can you imagine something like giant puppets in your work hallways...inspiring a different level of conversation with your colleagues, your boss, your clients?
How could I learn, play, try this out? I've sent a message to that theatre company asking if there's a way for us to collaborate and exchange idea's. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for other possible stepping stones to this world I envision.
May mentors and teachers begin to show themselves to me (and you for what you long for)! If you have a contact or an idea or even a group that might want to experiment with me...do get in touch!
Here I am wanting to find ways to use all sorts of artful play to open up conversations and possibilities for people in their work or volunteer endeavours. What if the 'community' in this scenario was an organization - it's employees, managers and clients?! What if the 'cultural transformation' was about meaning and satisfaction, about putting 'fun' back into effective functioning of the organization?! What if the daily practice were the mindful intentions and behaviours each person put towards a shared vision of what that could look like!?
Can you imagine something like giant puppets in your work hallways...inspiring a different level of conversation with your colleagues, your boss, your clients?
How could I learn, play, try this out? I've sent a message to that theatre company asking if there's a way for us to collaborate and exchange idea's. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for other possible stepping stones to this world I envision.
May mentors and teachers begin to show themselves to me (and you for what you long for)! If you have a contact or an idea or even a group that might want to experiment with me...do get in touch!
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