I recently spent some time devouring a journal on social change directed at leaders and folks like me who work with organizations around the people side of change. Among other idea's, one approach that stood out for me was: transform the stories we tell ourselves.
Stories offer a perspective, a view point, a way of seeing. They engage and connect us with ourselves and one another. A good story also tends to carry our emotions - and our emotions are an indicator of what's important and has meaning to us. Those emotions can also distort or limit our perspective of the whole picture.
Let's start with ourselves ...what story are you telling yourself about what ever is currently happening in your life that has your attention? Are you a hero, a villain, a victim in that story? All three perhaps? How does this story serve you? How is it supporting your vision or goals right now? Is the story keeping you stuck or keeping you moving in a positive direction? If you decide it's not truly serving you, how might you alter the story, reframe it so that you might breathe a little easier, move into a more spacious place of compassion and possibility?
For me I have been telling myself a story about my stressful situation. Each time I tell it - to myself or to others - I need to find evidence to make that story true. Lately I've decided to tell my story differently ...and I'm already feeling lighter, noticing more and more positive, supportive things happening as I find, invent or stumble upon ways to cope with the stresses that are a part of this journey...and notice which ones I have some control over! It's a great feeling! And a much better story!
I will soon be facilitating a team retreat and I'm pondering ways we might explore their individual and collective stories, what those stories say about themselves, each other and their work. By listening deeply and perhaps with a different intention, might they also notice in those stories what is wished for? Might there be some acknowledgment of some distortion, missing information, or an assumption getting in the way of working even better together than they are already? I know that creating a space for that kind of listening and telling does open up ways to transform the stories to identifying what it is they all want more of...and the opportunities to move it in that direction.
My hope is that you will uncover more opportunities and possibilities in your stories - even the ones you tell only to yourself - than at first or 10th telling. Try to listen differently. Sometimes that in itself will produce subtle shifts. Let me know what happens.
Jun 2, 2010
May 26, 2010
check it out
About a month ago I went to an event where I saw someone I'd recently been getting to know better. At this event she seemed to ignore me...actually she appeared uncomfortable and distant when I caught her attention. I knew I wasn't making this up since my companion noticed as well.
I was mystified. The other day I decided to send this person an email to congratulate her on a new position I'd heard she'd made and to check in. I mentioned that at our last meeting she seemed uncomfortable and I wondered if there was some kind of misunderstanding between us.
She wrote back immediately assuring me not at all. She was able to share with me that she was recently having trouble remembering names out of context and was worried about having to make introductions to the people she was with...an old boss that she loved but was blanking out on his last name. There were other personal reasons that she had been feeling rather scrambled that day but certainly nothing in particular to do with me. She was grateful that I was able to say something and looked forward to our next get together. I was relieved.
I am once again struck by how easy it is for us to make assumptions and even more so, to take it personally when things don't go the way we expect them to. My imagination had taken me down some pretty incredible possibilities related to work and other things....based only on this slim piece of interaction, totally ignoring the other evidence that suggested we were becoming colleagues and friends.
I guess it's possible that there had been a misunderstanding. Either way, my invitation would have allowed us to work that out too.
I'm so glad I checked out my assumptions.
I was mystified. The other day I decided to send this person an email to congratulate her on a new position I'd heard she'd made and to check in. I mentioned that at our last meeting she seemed uncomfortable and I wondered if there was some kind of misunderstanding between us.
She wrote back immediately assuring me not at all. She was able to share with me that she was recently having trouble remembering names out of context and was worried about having to make introductions to the people she was with...an old boss that she loved but was blanking out on his last name. There were other personal reasons that she had been feeling rather scrambled that day but certainly nothing in particular to do with me. She was grateful that I was able to say something and looked forward to our next get together. I was relieved.
I am once again struck by how easy it is for us to make assumptions and even more so, to take it personally when things don't go the way we expect them to. My imagination had taken me down some pretty incredible possibilities related to work and other things....based only on this slim piece of interaction, totally ignoring the other evidence that suggested we were becoming colleagues and friends.
I guess it's possible that there had been a misunderstanding. Either way, my invitation would have allowed us to work that out too.
I'm so glad I checked out my assumptions.
May 19, 2010
appreciative living
Have you noticed that there seems to be an increasing trend towards gratitude these days? How wonderful is that?!
I'm noticing blogs like 1000 Awesome Things and Leah's Daily Thank You Notes. Locally a group of folks created Awesome Ottawa where once a month they pool $100 each to award someone with a $1000 grant to do something they consider Awesome!
I think the world needs more of these kind of interventions...and given their increased following... so does the world.
About a year ago a friend gave me a book called The Joy of Appreciative Living. In it Jackie Kelm describes a study she did with about 30 participants over 28 days. The exercises were simple and pretty painless:
Would you like to join me? It would be great to hear what brings you joy...or simply to learn if engaging in these exercises has affected your day to day experience of life.
From the sick couch,
Linda
I'm noticing blogs like 1000 Awesome Things and Leah's Daily Thank You Notes. Locally a group of folks created Awesome Ottawa where once a month they pool $100 each to award someone with a $1000 grant to do something they consider Awesome!
I think the world needs more of these kind of interventions...and given their increased following... so does the world.
About a year ago a friend gave me a book called The Joy of Appreciative Living. In it Jackie Kelm describes a study she did with about 30 participants over 28 days. The exercises were simple and pretty painless:
- every morning write down three things you appreciate; take a moment to feel your gratitude for each of them.
- ask yourself 'What is one thing I could do today, no matter how small, to increase my joy?'
- once a week spend 15 minutes visioning your ideal joy-filled life
- I appreciate: IBprofin, the telephone, and hot tea
- One thing I could do to increase my joy today: spend some time in my hammock listening to the creek, drinking in the sun
Would you like to join me? It would be great to hear what brings you joy...or simply to learn if engaging in these exercises has affected your day to day experience of life.
From the sick couch,
Linda
living with what is
I have been sick with some kind of body flu since Sunday...ironically since being involved in a Wellness Gathering. Guess I must have shook one too many hands.
Of course this was the week I was going to get a lot of writing done. Nada. Instead I slept, drank copious quantities of water and herbal tea, read, and simply slowed down. Another opportunity to practice letting go and going with what is. Getting pissed off wasn't going to change anything.
Tomorrow I am slated to facilitate a team retreat. I am counting on things being better by tonight so I can drive in. We shall see what my body says.
How do you handle being sick? How do you support yourself?
Of course this was the week I was going to get a lot of writing done. Nada. Instead I slept, drank copious quantities of water and herbal tea, read, and simply slowed down. Another opportunity to practice letting go and going with what is. Getting pissed off wasn't going to change anything.
Tomorrow I am slated to facilitate a team retreat. I am counting on things being better by tonight so I can drive in. We shall see what my body says.
How do you handle being sick? How do you support yourself?
May 12, 2010
keeping deadlines
I'm at Bridgehead, my office away from home, trying to beat the clock (and the end of my one hour access) to post a post.
I've played with four possibilities so far: resilience, a comment on a TED talk, a reflection on a journal article about social change, and a commentary on a team process I'm involved with right now. None feel ready to go.
So I'm here simply writing about deadlines...self imposed ones. I want to try to keep to Wednesday's at 5:00 - no real reason other than to have a deadline. I work better with them I've discovered. I had given up ... but with minutes to go I decided that even just this simple post is enough.
What helps you stay committed to whatever you're trying to do in your life?
(let's see if I'm still connected....)
I've played with four possibilities so far: resilience, a comment on a TED talk, a reflection on a journal article about social change, and a commentary on a team process I'm involved with right now. None feel ready to go.
So I'm here simply writing about deadlines...self imposed ones. I want to try to keep to Wednesday's at 5:00 - no real reason other than to have a deadline. I work better with them I've discovered. I had given up ... but with minutes to go I decided that even just this simple post is enough.
What helps you stay committed to whatever you're trying to do in your life?
(let's see if I'm still connected....)
May 5, 2010
self support - know thy self!
I've resumed my self care rituals. Just by doing that I already feel better. Helping myself, doing what I can with what I have some control over, does wonders for the psyche!
A self care routine for me means starting my day with a walk. Not only am I moving my body I'm also taking time to notice my environment, the colours of the season, the mood of the sky, my own breathe.
When I return home I drink some water and then find my way to my yoga mat. Delicious, slow stretches help me notice and pay homage to this body that despite the various aches and pains does a pretty good job of taking me through the world. Appreciating all the many parts that are working well and being compassionate with the parts that need some TLC. The monkey brain continues to chatter but every once in awhile I remember to let it go and just notice my breathe.
From this place of relaxed openness I let loose in my journal. This is where I allow all those thoughts, feelings, dreams, ideas and 'to do' lists to spill out on the page. No holding back. No need to think about spelling, punctuation or style...just steam of consciousness. It is often cathartic and insightful!
1) Have my walking/yoga clothes ready for me to jump into as soon as I wake up. I've already decided that this is the best thing for me so no need to debate, dither or be distracted by searching for the right top; just get dressed, drink some water and get out the door!
2) Refrain from 'just a quick peek at my emails first'. That's a big distraction that often is assured to bump me off my track. A way to help with that would be to turn off my computer completely at night. When it's on and ready to go it's a bigger temptation. I tell myself it will be just a quick check. But it's never quick.
3) Get up early enough so that the phone doesn't start ringing while I'm in my routine, pulling me into my work day. Early means I get to enjoy that special quality of morning light and air too. This of course suggests I get to bed a bit earlier...enough quality sleep is certainly a smart part of any self nurturing ritual.
There's a bonus feeling when you walk your talk, when you do what you said you will do, when you work around your saboteur. By taking the time to take care of me I am now more able to meet and greet the rest of the world and it's needs - guilt free and grounded.
How are you supporting yourself through whatever transition you're in? What are you doing to by-pass your self saboteur?
I encourage you to post a comment - your way might just give someone else an idea for themselves.
Breathe Big,
Linda
A self care routine for me means starting my day with a walk. Not only am I moving my body I'm also taking time to notice my environment, the colours of the season, the mood of the sky, my own breathe.
When I return home I drink some water and then find my way to my yoga mat. Delicious, slow stretches help me notice and pay homage to this body that despite the various aches and pains does a pretty good job of taking me through the world. Appreciating all the many parts that are working well and being compassionate with the parts that need some TLC. The monkey brain continues to chatter but every once in awhile I remember to let it go and just notice my breathe.
From this place of relaxed openness I let loose in my journal. This is where I allow all those thoughts, feelings, dreams, ideas and 'to do' lists to spill out on the page. No holding back. No need to think about spelling, punctuation or style...just steam of consciousness. It is often cathartic and insightful!
~~~
Being a Queen of Self Sabotage, I figure it would be useful to take note of the things that help support me following through on this self care commitment.1) Have my walking/yoga clothes ready for me to jump into as soon as I wake up. I've already decided that this is the best thing for me so no need to debate, dither or be distracted by searching for the right top; just get dressed, drink some water and get out the door!
2) Refrain from 'just a quick peek at my emails first'. That's a big distraction that often is assured to bump me off my track. A way to help with that would be to turn off my computer completely at night. When it's on and ready to go it's a bigger temptation. I tell myself it will be just a quick check. But it's never quick.
3) Get up early enough so that the phone doesn't start ringing while I'm in my routine, pulling me into my work day. Early means I get to enjoy that special quality of morning light and air too. This of course suggests I get to bed a bit earlier...enough quality sleep is certainly a smart part of any self nurturing ritual.
There's a bonus feeling when you walk your talk, when you do what you said you will do, when you work around your saboteur. By taking the time to take care of me I am now more able to meet and greet the rest of the world and it's needs - guilt free and grounded.
How are you supporting yourself through whatever transition you're in? What are you doing to by-pass your self saboteur?
I encourage you to post a comment - your way might just give someone else an idea for themselves.
Breathe Big,
Linda
Apr 25, 2010
Keeping Fear At Bay
Here's the situation: after 10 years of successfully helping organizations learn ways to work with change, I've been presented with a big change myself: a huge slow down in work. A blow to the ego as well as the finances. And an enticing invitation for fear to come pay me a visit.
First step: quelling the fear and maintaining my sense of purpose and confidence.
How am I doing that? By continually checking in with the story I'm telling myself and what the facts are. Being open to other perspectives. I try to re-frame the negative stories, finding a way to view them that soften their edges, make them more acceptable to live with. I'm also seeking and accepting different forms of support, not expecting myself to weather it all alone. That's a direct link to my own business maxim: "The appropriate support can make all the difference." It's true!
Up until now my work has primarily come through word of mouth. But as the economy took a nose dive, many clients, both individuals and organizations, are fielding their own challenges. Many believe that limited resources - time, money or people - exempt them from attending to the life blood of their existence, namely you, your people and your sense of shared vision.
Learning; when the chips are down that's when investing in yourself and/or your people is the most sustainable thing to do!
Here's how I've keeping fear at bay:
It all starts and ends with you and your own attitude to your circumstances. What we pay attention to, we get more of. I'm putting my attention on my health, my creativity, my vision, and my support systems.
How are you approaching your challenge?
First step: quelling the fear and maintaining my sense of purpose and confidence.
How am I doing that? By continually checking in with the story I'm telling myself and what the facts are. Being open to other perspectives. I try to re-frame the negative stories, finding a way to view them that soften their edges, make them more acceptable to live with. I'm also seeking and accepting different forms of support, not expecting myself to weather it all alone. That's a direct link to my own business maxim: "The appropriate support can make all the difference." It's true!
Up until now my work has primarily come through word of mouth. But as the economy took a nose dive, many clients, both individuals and organizations, are fielding their own challenges. Many believe that limited resources - time, money or people - exempt them from attending to the life blood of their existence, namely you, your people and your sense of shared vision.
Learning; when the chips are down that's when investing in yourself and/or your people is the most sustainable thing to do!
Here's how I've keeping fear at bay:
- reaching out to a few trusted people to let them know what was happening (face vulnerability)
- investing in myself and my business (with time, smart expenditures, and people support)
- took back more direct control over the handling of my day to day financial transactions instead of having someone else monitor it (learning curve here but doable with support)
- created or joined several small groups like The Pulse for learning, networking and support
- continue to invest in myself via connecting with old and new contacts (not resort to pulling in and hiding)
- reviewing my vision and seeing what I need to remember or alter given the new information about myself as well as the environment
- reviewing my beliefs - noticing which are holding me back, which are supporting my growth
- continually checking in with that voice in my head and try to find the opportunity, the re-frame
- let go of some things that aren't working (looking some sacred cows in the eyes)
- let go of perfectionism! (eg: letting this blog go without someone else editing it first!)
- take some risks (investigating new collaborations, writing blogs)
- make self care a priority: good nutrition, sleep, yoga and exercise (key for me)
It all starts and ends with you and your own attitude to your circumstances. What we pay attention to, we get more of. I'm putting my attention on my health, my creativity, my vision, and my support systems.
How are you approaching your challenge?
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