I understand and have come to appreciate to some extent my procrastination tendencies around writing. I have learned to accept that "Procrastination's" purpose is to help me clarify who I'm writing for, ponder what I want to say and define what the best entry point and tone might be. I have 'reframed' procrastination as an important and necessary time for marinading and mulling over. I trust that it will eventually complete its job, usually with the help of a looming deadline. Built up pressure usually works too.
What I don't understand is why I would procrastinate playing with a new toy?
Last week I happily purchased some simple home recording equipment. I was delighted by the idea of having a device to support and expand my own song and sound creation. All week long new idea's kept popping up around how this new acquisition was going to open doors for me, both personally and professionally. I saw visions of songs I could add my own harmonies to, record improvised moments at afternoon jams, create audio tapes of guided visualizations and visioning exercises for clients. I saw the ease in which I could share and collaborate with others by a simple click of the mouse.
Imagining all of this has been quite exciting and, I now realize, extremely daunting!
My penchant for visioning possibilities has also set up an equally large balloon of overwhelming expectations. I'd say I'm stuck (procrastinating) because my emotions are more aware of the fear that accompanies those expectations than the joys. I can see that I'm afraid of failure, of not being able to adequately learn how to use the tool to manifest those visions. I'm guessing that some part of me is protecting me from that fear - by keeping the dang thing in the box!
The trick is to balance the motivation that imagining the possibilities offers with baby steps that our hesitation teaches us we need to address in order to get where we want to go.
One of those baby steps is to get find the appropriate support. In this case it's time to call a knowledgeable friend to hold my hand when I do open up the box. And to set a date for this to happen (read: deadline). Then I can to begin to actually sow the seeds for those possibilities to have a chance to bloom!
Are you procrastinating something these days? How is it serving you?
Nov 24, 2010
Nov 17, 2010
the paradox of vulnerability
Most of us don't like uncertainty. We do a lot to try to make things 'certain', attempting to gain some control over a particular outcome, relationship, or habit. Living with uncertainty seems to conjure up fears - I'm vulnerable, this isn't safe. Our vivid imaginations can build up some pretty drastic assumptions and beliefs about where this uncertainty is bound to lead us.
In fact there is a case for sharing our vulnerability - in appropriate contexts - actually helping us. Exposing our vulnerability can lead to stronger connections and thus increase our sense of safety and protection. Interesting paradox...especially for leaders and colleagues looking for ways to work better, more effectively, together. Discernment plays a key role as to what and when and with whom one shares his or her questions, fears, and wishes.
In this TED talk, Dr. Brené Brown talks about her research on Wholeheartedness and Connection. Here are some of the highlights that jumped out for me:
I have also observed this happening with folks that I work with. As each person takes baby steps to reveal their vulnerability their colleagues are reminded of the person's - and their own - humanity. This experience often makes all the difference in a team moving forward with energy and passion.
Yes there may be moments when our discernment was off and we didn't get the response we hoped for. These are the risks inherent in learning how to connect, lead, be better together. Chalk it up to learning.
Does any of this resonate with you in your life as a leader, an employee, a colleague, or perhaps as a parent? What are the conditions that help you discern when it is appropriate to step into your vulnerability?
Linda
In fact there is a case for sharing our vulnerability - in appropriate contexts - actually helping us. Exposing our vulnerability can lead to stronger connections and thus increase our sense of safety and protection. Interesting paradox...especially for leaders and colleagues looking for ways to work better, more effectively, together. Discernment plays a key role as to what and when and with whom one shares his or her questions, fears, and wishes.
In this TED talk, Dr. Brené Brown talks about her research on Wholeheartedness and Connection. Here are some of the highlights that jumped out for me:
- Role of connection - gives us purpose and meaning
- Vulnerability - is about allowing ourselves to be seen; the birth place of wholeheartedness
- Vulnerability is a crucial, central element in leading our lives, leading others
- Vulnerability is the element that helps us navigate between shame and empathy - two opposing ends of a continuum
- Defining shame vs guilt:
- Shame - 'I am bad'; not a useful motivator
- Guilt - "I did a bad thing", something that doesn't fit my own code; could be a useful motivator
- We can't selectively numb our emotions; if we numb what we don't like we will also numb those we desire, like joy
I have also observed this happening with folks that I work with. As each person takes baby steps to reveal their vulnerability their colleagues are reminded of the person's - and their own - humanity. This experience often makes all the difference in a team moving forward with energy and passion.
Yes there may be moments when our discernment was off and we didn't get the response we hoped for. These are the risks inherent in learning how to connect, lead, be better together. Chalk it up to learning.
Does any of this resonate with you in your life as a leader, an employee, a colleague, or perhaps as a parent? What are the conditions that help you discern when it is appropriate to step into your vulnerability?
Linda
Nov 10, 2010
back bends
Last Sunday I experienced - consciously - the power of my own thoughts and the role of support.
Our yoga instructor had us doing a back bend with the support of a partner. We were to hold onto their ankles as we pushed our pelvis up to the sky and the top of our heads back onto the mat.
I could feel my excuses rising up as I debated whether or not I would participate. All those years as a child (and adult for that matter) wishing I could master a cartwheel came to mind. "I just don't have the body type for this. I'm not strong or flexible enough. I will look silly (read: fail)."
Then my eyes caught those of my neighbour. We both looked skeptical but sheepishly willing to give it a try. It helped that she wasn't nonchalant about it, that this would be a stretch for her too. It would be alright if either of us didn't manage it...really what was the big deal? With that I decided to change my internal dialogue too. Instead of 'I can't' my mantra became 'I can do this. I can do this!' And to my surprise and delight, I did!
The next day I was able to do it again - if only for a few seconds - by myself at home. I'd broken the 'I can't' spell on this one! It made me wonder, where else in my life I might want to try breaking it? Home recording popped up instantly.
I've long held a vision of recording my songs, of playing with different beats and harmonies. My few attempts in the past were always aborted relatively quickly. Daunted at the sight and confusion of all those buttons and gadgets "I can't learn this" messages would loop in my head and I'd give up.
Today, propelled by a new song I want to record, and a few other half written ones that I long to finish, my decision (commitment) now has me developing my strategies to forge forward. I re-discovered a book on my shelf that explains fairly clearly the different devices and the ways they interconnect. I took stock of all the equipment I've assembled over the years. I spent time on the internet researching various products, reading their descriptions, noting my questions. I plan on heading to several music stores to hear what they have to say. I've written to a few musically minded friends to ask for their advise and guidance.
This time I'm determined to learn, to get past my mental barriers. This time I'm approaching it with a smile and a determined "I can do this!" attitude instead of exasperation. I'm motivated, I'm finding different avenues of support, and I believe I can!
What thought or belief would help you move closer to your dreams? What support do you need to begin?
Our yoga instructor had us doing a back bend with the support of a partner. We were to hold onto their ankles as we pushed our pelvis up to the sky and the top of our heads back onto the mat.
I could feel my excuses rising up as I debated whether or not I would participate. All those years as a child (and adult for that matter) wishing I could master a cartwheel came to mind. "I just don't have the body type for this. I'm not strong or flexible enough. I will look silly (read: fail)."
Then my eyes caught those of my neighbour. We both looked skeptical but sheepishly willing to give it a try. It helped that she wasn't nonchalant about it, that this would be a stretch for her too. It would be alright if either of us didn't manage it...really what was the big deal? With that I decided to change my internal dialogue too. Instead of 'I can't' my mantra became 'I can do this. I can do this!' And to my surprise and delight, I did!
The next day I was able to do it again - if only for a few seconds - by myself at home. I'd broken the 'I can't' spell on this one! It made me wonder, where else in my life I might want to try breaking it? Home recording popped up instantly.
I've long held a vision of recording my songs, of playing with different beats and harmonies. My few attempts in the past were always aborted relatively quickly. Daunted at the sight and confusion of all those buttons and gadgets "I can't learn this" messages would loop in my head and I'd give up.
Today, propelled by a new song I want to record, and a few other half written ones that I long to finish, my decision (commitment) now has me developing my strategies to forge forward. I re-discovered a book on my shelf that explains fairly clearly the different devices and the ways they interconnect. I took stock of all the equipment I've assembled over the years. I spent time on the internet researching various products, reading their descriptions, noting my questions. I plan on heading to several music stores to hear what they have to say. I've written to a few musically minded friends to ask for their advise and guidance.
This time I'm determined to learn, to get past my mental barriers. This time I'm approaching it with a smile and a determined "I can do this!" attitude instead of exasperation. I'm motivated, I'm finding different avenues of support, and I believe I can!
What thought or belief would help you move closer to your dreams? What support do you need to begin?
Nov 3, 2010
elephants on the table
Last week I spent two days with a management team where I witnessed strength, vulnerability and incredible courage. Proverbial elephants were put on the table and real conversations about how to work better together ensued.
It's easy to believe that it's the tasks, our productivity, that gets the job done. But tasks can't get done effectively or sustainably if information is held back out of fear, if minds aren't open to hearing different view points, if relationships aren't created with an eye to mutual learning. If trust isn't cultivated.
Trust and risk are flip sides of the same coin. In order to create, maintain or rebuild trust we have to take risks. To come together, to say what is our truth, to listen to the others' truth. We have to have the courage to show up and participate without knowing for sure if its all going to work out.
This team stepped up to the opportunity and discovered what it feels like to have conversations from their hearts. They co-created the space to be courageous, to be supportive of each other and to learn together about a different way of being.
Hidden elephants absorb and preoccupy a lot of energy - energy and creativity that could be better spent in service of your individual and collective health and dreams. Not easy but definitely worth it.
It's easy to believe that it's the tasks, our productivity, that gets the job done. But tasks can't get done effectively or sustainably if information is held back out of fear, if minds aren't open to hearing different view points, if relationships aren't created with an eye to mutual learning. If trust isn't cultivated.
Trust and risk are flip sides of the same coin. In order to create, maintain or rebuild trust we have to take risks. To come together, to say what is our truth, to listen to the others' truth. We have to have the courage to show up and participate without knowing for sure if its all going to work out.
This team stepped up to the opportunity and discovered what it feels like to have conversations from their hearts. They co-created the space to be courageous, to be supportive of each other and to learn together about a different way of being.
Hidden elephants absorb and preoccupy a lot of energy - energy and creativity that could be better spent in service of your individual and collective health and dreams. Not easy but definitely worth it.
Oct 27, 2010
new beginning
I've been carrying this poem by John O'Donohue with me for the past few weeks. I thought that you might find inspiration or comfort in these words as well.
For a New Beginning
In out of the way places of the heart.
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground.
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Through your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
From 'To Bless the Space Between Us'
by John O'Donohue
For a New Beginning
In out of the way places of the heart.
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.
For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.
It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent
Wondered would you always live like this.
Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground.
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.
Through your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.
Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
From 'To Bless the Space Between Us'
by John O'Donohue
Oct 21, 2010
courage and vulnerability
Here I am, my last day in lovely Nova Scotia. Thought I'd try to get this post off before I get on the plane.
I've met some courageous folks this week, each on their own journey to a life that pleases and fulfills them. Each person I met is in the process of living a major transition in their life: changes that include letting go of a relationship, leaving home, joining a support program, or selling a business*.
Whatever transition we're in, it can often include some lost, lonely and scary moments for most of us - even when they are changes we choose! The appropriate support can make all the difference in these moments. What I seem to be noticing this week is that support can be plentiful and right in arms reach but unless we're willing to accept it, we aren't likely to perceive it let alone reap the full range of benefits offered. In order to seek, see and receive that support it seems to me that we need to allow ourselves to be both vulnerable and courageous.
What helps us dance that delicate line between the two? How do we trust enough - both ourselves and the support offered - to let go and let come? For many of the folks I met this week they told me that what helped them was feeling listened to, non-judged, and accepted. I also heard that they themselves were ready for the change...there was personal desire and commitment.
But the crucial thing that seemed to matter the most for many was hearing someone they trusted say that they believed in them.
Being believed in when you've lost, buried or distorted your belief in yourself is a powerful thing. I've experienced that. What I've learned this week is that we could only hear that message (even if cautiously) if it somehow resonated with our wish, our longing, our own belief in ourselves: Yes, I am capable, worth it, lovable ... (an artist!). The other person is simply shining a light, a mirror, an amplifier on something that already exists. Their belief in us comes in through our vulnerability, perhaps a small crack we've allowed in our armour, our defenses. It lets in that bit of light, warmth, and hope that can help us take the next step.
Look around...who or what support could you allow in today? Give yourself the gift of being vulnerable, of courageously accepting the support offered that you know - you feel in your body - is the truth. It is possible to be who you want to be and live the life you want to live.
* By the by, if the life you want is possibly owning a B & B in Nova Scotia, check out: http://www.bbcanada.com/bb_forsale/farmhouseinn
I've met some courageous folks this week, each on their own journey to a life that pleases and fulfills them. Each person I met is in the process of living a major transition in their life: changes that include letting go of a relationship, leaving home, joining a support program, or selling a business*.
Whatever transition we're in, it can often include some lost, lonely and scary moments for most of us - even when they are changes we choose! The appropriate support can make all the difference in these moments. What I seem to be noticing this week is that support can be plentiful and right in arms reach but unless we're willing to accept it, we aren't likely to perceive it let alone reap the full range of benefits offered. In order to seek, see and receive that support it seems to me that we need to allow ourselves to be both vulnerable and courageous.
What helps us dance that delicate line between the two? How do we trust enough - both ourselves and the support offered - to let go and let come? For many of the folks I met this week they told me that what helped them was feeling listened to, non-judged, and accepted. I also heard that they themselves were ready for the change...there was personal desire and commitment.
But the crucial thing that seemed to matter the most for many was hearing someone they trusted say that they believed in them.
Being believed in when you've lost, buried or distorted your belief in yourself is a powerful thing. I've experienced that. What I've learned this week is that we could only hear that message (even if cautiously) if it somehow resonated with our wish, our longing, our own belief in ourselves: Yes, I am capable, worth it, lovable ... (an artist!). The other person is simply shining a light, a mirror, an amplifier on something that already exists. Their belief in us comes in through our vulnerability, perhaps a small crack we've allowed in our armour, our defenses. It lets in that bit of light, warmth, and hope that can help us take the next step.
Look around...who or what support could you allow in today? Give yourself the gift of being vulnerable, of courageously accepting the support offered that you know - you feel in your body - is the truth. It is possible to be who you want to be and live the life you want to live.
* By the by, if the life you want is possibly owning a B & B in Nova Scotia, check out: http://www.bbcanada.com/bb_forsale/farmhouseinn
Oct 14, 2010
beauty in the fog
The sun is slowly heating it's way through the fog this morning. There is beauty in both the hazy veil and the sunlight streaming through it.
As I decide to live my life really and truly as I dream...it starts to unfold in that direction almost effortlessly. When I notice what I eat and how I move my body, I tend to make choices that nourish me. When I acknowledge that creativity for me at this point is really about exploring my artist self, support comes my way. As I state unequivocally that I want to attract clients that align with my beliefs and values, work that excites me, that I feel I can contribute to...it begins to come in.
Earlier this week I had a fascinating chat with an artist friend. Not only did I get an invitation to play in her studio ,we also engaged in a dialogue about our different perceptions about the making of art and being human. I heard myself articulate the links I see between art and organizational and personal change. This is the kind of exchange I want more of; more conversations that reveal my thoughts ... and create new ones.
I also began work with a new client this week and our initial chat left me feeling energized. I can feel my smile resonate through my whole body. It's invigorating to drop down quickly into the juice of this work...listening and searching in the mist for what their needs are. There seems to a level of awareness around what it means to be human in the chaos of an organizational (or personal) change...and a common language for us to talk about it. At the same time there is a trust building that welcomes our different perspectives and experiences and this too will support the journey ahead.
I'm starting to appreciate the foggy aspects of my life - the unknown, the unseen - just as much as I do the rays of sunlight.
As I decide to live my life really and truly as I dream...it starts to unfold in that direction almost effortlessly. When I notice what I eat and how I move my body, I tend to make choices that nourish me. When I acknowledge that creativity for me at this point is really about exploring my artist self, support comes my way. As I state unequivocally that I want to attract clients that align with my beliefs and values, work that excites me, that I feel I can contribute to...it begins to come in.
Earlier this week I had a fascinating chat with an artist friend. Not only did I get an invitation to play in her studio ,we also engaged in a dialogue about our different perceptions about the making of art and being human. I heard myself articulate the links I see between art and organizational and personal change. This is the kind of exchange I want more of; more conversations that reveal my thoughts ... and create new ones.
I also began work with a new client this week and our initial chat left me feeling energized. I can feel my smile resonate through my whole body. It's invigorating to drop down quickly into the juice of this work...listening and searching in the mist for what their needs are. There seems to a level of awareness around what it means to be human in the chaos of an organizational (or personal) change...and a common language for us to talk about it. At the same time there is a trust building that welcomes our different perspectives and experiences and this too will support the journey ahead.
I'm starting to appreciate the foggy aspects of my life - the unknown, the unseen - just as much as I do the rays of sunlight.
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